The months that followed.....

We had a dream that everything would be perfect. Here we were swooping in and rescuing this little boy from an orphanage, and of course he would be so grateful that he would love us automatically. But as we learned about attachment disorder, we had to let go of that dream and realize that wasn't how it was going to be.
---Mother of an adopted Russian boy, taken from Becoming a Family, Lark Eshleman, Ph.D.


So, honeymooning is something we refer to as when you are in the "new" stages. The first months of your marriage, the first months of a new job, and the first months of having a new baby. The first months with the Baby home were great....ok so you have those moments when they cry and you can't figure it out, just like biological children. My husband stayed home with her for a whole year. Meeting her needs, taking care of her, when I arrived home from work, I took the role of caregiver. She seemed to be sick all of the time. We were constantly at the physician's each week. It seemed like she was unable to form an immune system. So here's the condensed version, she ended up having aspiration pneumonia three times. She has since had her adenoids and tonsils out which has made a vast improvement. While, we would like to think that was all the problem. Babies that experience stress, get sick quicker. Lark Eshleman states in her studies that, " Chronic stress affects the body's immune system, so adoptive children may be at risk for disorders like allergies, asthma, eczema, or seborrhea."
So, here's the first thing I would have done differently. I would have kept her environment restricted. I would have made a routine schedule, and stuck to it. Eliminating the big parties and introduction to people so that her stress level and security could have be established early on.
I know that this is hard for family members who shared your joy of adoption, and want this baby to "take" to them instantly. To treat attachment disorder, one must offer a constant environment of safety, with loving parents. Their brains, even at ten months, are programmed to react to the environment. If you read my previous posting, you can see that development of trust, allows them to correctly react to the environment or you.
At the seminar I just attended they said that for each year your children is in an orphange or foster care, it takes three years to undo the "attachment". Oh, boy.l So besides making a schedule with consistant routines and behaviors, I would have done cohabitational sleeping rather than trying to get her to sleep in her own crib, over and over. We were given a "sound maker" that plays calming music and played it with her nighttime routine, however, it should have been combined with sleeping next to me, so that when heard she could have associated the sound with me.
I will continue on tomorrow, with more experiences and things that I have learned.

Talking Out Loud......Adoption

This past week, I was lucky enough to attend a conference entitiled: Enhancing Attachment: Strategies for Families and Professionals. So while, some of your may be confused of why I would do this, let me first tell you that Adoption is different than biological parenting. And while I could take up most of your time explaining all of the differences let's begin here. Normal infants when born, cry and their mothers/fathers meet their needs. You pick them up, rock them, feed them when they are hungry, make sure they are dry. To better explain Chinese adoption and previous conditions in orphanges see this link:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=zi6j3OnLCuw&feature=related

While, we have seen the images of Faith's orphanage and I must say they are pretty nice, I will recall this story from our first night together. We were blessed with our daughter at 3:30 on a Sunday afternooon, by the time we got back to the hotel it was after 5:00p.m. Until transactions were accomplished and baby was settled, she laid down at 7:00p.m. to sleep. It was not until 6:00 a.m. the next morning, that I turned on a light to check on her. She was sitting up in her crib, not making a sound, completely saturated in urine from head to toe. She had not eaten in 12 hours nor did she wake up, cry and ask for food. I reached for her, but she didn't reach for me. She was unsure, and while many of you will say Sure, you are a stranger to her. Just wait until further postings as I unfold our story.

I picked her up, fed her, changed her and she immediately wanted down, not to be held. From what we have researched and know that children in this orphanage settings are rarely held, changed only 5 times a day and fed on a schedule with other children. One should know that when you cried as a child, someone picked you up, held you, fed you, made sure you were dry, sang to you and nutured you. It's part of how we know that we are loved.

When I look at images of our daughter in those first few days, I see fear, fear that I thought was bashfulness, but as I explain attachment disorder, you might be able to see it. Changes that I wish we would have done, and what we are doing now.

So, here are pictures from our first days. I will continue more tomorrow!

You know your an adoptive parent when:

One of the blogs I read daily had this posted. I think it is great! You Know You're An Adoptive Parent When . .

1.) The fact that there are 143 million children in the world without a parent to kiss them goodnight has made you lose sleep.
2.) You realize DNA has nothing to do with love and family.
3.) You can't watch Adoption Stories on TLC without sobbing.
4.) The fact that, if 7% of Christians adopted 1 child there would be no orphans in the world, is convicting to you.
5.) You spend free time surfing blogs about families who have experienced the blessing of adoption.
6.) It drives you crazy when people ask you about adopted child's 'real' parents.
7.) You have ever been 'pregnant' with your adoptive child longer than it takes an elephant to give birth (2 + years!).
8.) You had no idea how you would afford to adopt but stepped out in faith anyway, knowing where God calls you He will provide.
9.) You have ever taken an airplane ride half-way around the world with a child you just met.
10.) You believe God's heart is for adoption.
11.) You realize that welcoming a child into your heart and family is one of the most important legacies you could ever leave on this earth.
12.) You know what the word 'Dossier' means, and you can actually pronounce it!
13.) You have welcomed a social worker into the most private parts of your life.
14.) You shudder when people say your child is so lucky that you adopted them, knowing full well you are the blessed one to have him or her in your life.

The Artists Hard at Work

So, Santa brought the baby an eisel for Christmas and today after a weekend of putting together a PLAYROOM for the children, we put it to good use. Thanks Loreen for the wonderful smocks for the children. We painted pictures and colored with Crayola Color Magic. It was a blast.

Do you love me?

So last night in Missionettes’ I had to give the lesson. I know, scary thought, however, it was about John 21 and the story of Jesus asking Peter three times,
Do you love me?

Do you love me?" Those are actually Jesus' words to Peter. I didn’t make this up, and you can look in John 21 to see. He asks him three times. The third time, like any of us who might get asked that question three times, having answered 'yes' the first two times, Peter feels hurt that Jesus doesn't believe him. I don't think Jesus doubted Peter, but here’s the thing, he's making a point. Peter did, after all, DENY Jesus three times. The repetition seems lost on Peter however, because he doesn't seem to make the connection, rather, I feel like his ego feels hurt.
So listen here’s the thing, let’s take Peter's place and have Jesus ask us. How many times would Jesus have to ask YOU to make it equivalent to the number of times you have denied Jesus? Oh, boy, I'm not sure I could BEAR to know the number of times Jesus would have to ask me! As a matter of fact, I’m embarrassed to think of the times.
So what did Jesus, ask Peter to do….the same that he asks from us. "Feed my lambs, tend my sheep, feed my sheep," is something he said earlier in the Gospel of John in chapter 13-said it to all his disciples then and says it to we his disciples now: "I am giving you a new command. You must love each other, just as I have loved you. If you love each other, everyone will know that you are my disciples." Wow, while I find it hard that Jesus really wants me to feed the lambs and sheep, I believe he was reflecting this to people.
I try, I really do. But I catch myself getting caught up in unkind thoughts sometimes. While, I like to pawn this off as being human, oh boy do I fall short of the grace of God. I can rationalize or make excuses all I want about my unkind thoughts toward them, but Jesus is very clear: Love one another. Loving someone is not the same as liking someone, or condoning what they do. Loving someone as Jesus loved us means to care about their eternal soul, about their salvation.
Jesus asks Peter, "Do you love me?" and when Peter responds "Lord, you know that I love you," Jesus says to him, "If you love me, then feed my lambs, tend my sheep, feed my sheep." In other words, if you love me, SHOW it, don't just say it. He's saying to Peter you already said you loved me and would never desert me, or deny me and yet that's exactly what you did. So, if you say you love me, then here's what you must do.
And everything Jesus says in his response is based on us loving one another as he has loved us. Feeding Jesus' lambs means caring for those who say they are followers of Jesus' teachings, but are very vulnerable, are very fragile
Everyone. Ask the question that Jesus is asking each one of us, putting YOUR name at the end of the sentence. Ready….Do you love me?……Again, Do you love me?……Again….Do you love me….?
And answer with me-Yes, Jesus, I love you. Yes, Jesus, I love you. Yes, Jesus, I love you.
I am able to love you, Jesus, because you first loved me. Knowing and experiencing that love, I am able to love you and love others as you have loved me unconditionally.

What Rebecca Means

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are full of energy. You are spirited and boisterous. You are bold and daring. You are willing to do some pretty outrageous things. Your high energy sometimes gets you in trouble. You can have a pretty bad temper at times. You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality.

What's" Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Happy "60th" Birthday Again

In timely fashion, I wanted to wish my dad a Happy Birthday. With Faith's surgery on Wednesday and his birthday on Thursday it seemed rushed and not given it's proper due. I usually make a really big deal out of birthdays as a way to celebrate the one day that belongs to that person. So taken from my friend Classic mama, I am choosing to honor him here on my blog. The top ten things I love about my Dad:

10.) The funny way that he says "doesn't matter", especially when working on projects.....and mostly he right....Doesn't matter.

9.) I love your sense of humor...and the fact that you still laugh at your own jokes.

8.) I love that even though you always worked when I was little, that it was for us to have a better life, and on the weekends I can remember special times to Granny and Pappy's. My favorite photo is David in the wheelbarrow and me on your lap in our backyard.

7.) I love that when I called to tell you that I was pregnant with Adam, you said Good, and in those words I knew you were just as happy as I was.

6.) I remember the time we were heading to Aunt Carolyns for Thanksgiving, and you kindly asked, Did you check the oil in the car? Oil? what oil? And you mumbled under your breathe, my oil stick dry as a bone, poured the oil and said Let's go. Who knew about oil?

5.) That my children, love you and adore you. PopPop is a favorite in our house, and we remember him in our prayers nightly.

4.) I love that no matter when I call you and ask you what I should do like home repair, and you tell me to call someone else, that you come up anyway and check on it, or do it yourself. Your drive to help others has taught me to do the same.

3.) I love that you Love Mom after 39 years of marriage.

2.) I love that on my wedding day when I was getting my make up on, you came to my room and said "you know, just because your getting married today, doesn't mean I won't be here for you. I'll always be here for you kid, just ask."

1.) The top thing I love about my dad, is he is my dad. The Lord has given him to me and I am so grateful.

So, Happy "60th" Birthday Again Dad!